Cancer Treatment Options Forum - March 8th, 2010 - 4 Comments
How do you feel when your patients get sick – cancer or die of old age?
We have about 7 patients with breast cancer currently, and a 89 year old patient that just passed away. It seems like just yesterday we seen him and his wife walking into the clinic with a cane. They came almost once a week until they moved into a retirement home which my doctor called over there to make sure they were getting their medications. He was so sweet. The patients with breast cancer are so sweet. I feel bad for them. It seems like everybody is getting sick.
How do you deal with patients getting seriously sick?
I always admire those who care about the elderly. Both of my parents died of cancer. During my mother’s last months, I helped my father take care of my mother, and during his last couple of years, I just moved in with him and was his primary care provider. I was grateful for all the medical staff that helped us through those times (hospital, doctors’ offices, nursing homes, hospices, and rehab). I have also worked in a hospital for 15+ years so I know how it feels to get close to individuals who are very sick and who eventually die.
There are some things that you can do to help people like my parents (both in their 70′s when they died).
1. This might be obvious, but first and foremost, give them the best medical care (or whatever type of care you are responsible for) that you can. Just because they are old does not mean you should neglect their physical need. Like I said, this one was obvious.
2. Show them that you care about them as individuals. Always use their names. Always show interest in more than just their health. In slang language, become "real" to them. I know that a lot of professional think they need to maintain a certain degree of distance from the patients to remain objective. While you do need to maintain objectivity, that does not mean you need to become like Dr. House (worst show EVER in depicting what a doctor should be, IMHO).
3. Take care of your own emotional needs. If you do #2, you will get very close to your patients and it will hurt you when they are sick and when they eventually die. I suggest that you talk with a chaplain, priest, minister, counselor about your deep feelings toward these 7 elderly individuals.
4. Learn how to appreciate the awesomeness of all aspects of life. My greatest learning experience came when I had the opportunity to sit with a woman while she was dying. She did have a daughter but the daughter could not stay in the room with her (emotional pain… not hospital policy). So I sat with her and we talked about what she was experiencing. Inertially, she did most of the talking. However, as she started to go in and out of consciousness, I started reassuring her that she was not alone. I stayed with her until the very end. I remember the felling (probably just in my mind) when I knew that her spirit had gone on to whatever lies beyond this world. She was smiling. It was a awesome experience.
Bless you for caring.
You have to understand in your heart that there is both life and death in the universe and that this is the way of nature. It is true that it feels unfair when young people especially die, although that doesn’t make it any easier when you love the older ones. You have to live each day at a time and cherish the ones you love for you never know what may happen. Those who get ill need you to be there, be kind to them, and make their passing as comfortable as you can. And always do unto others…it’s very true, for each of us, but not all, will be sick or old at some point in life. Always treat the elderly or ill as if they were a member of your family for in a way, they are.
This question seems directed at people working in health care. I’d imagine they’re fairly used to seeing sick people – but that never makes it easy or okay.
It is really hard. There are those patients that you just get attached to and then there are those that you are almost glad that you don’t have to deal with anymore. I look at it like this… I try to give the best nursing care and personal attention to my patients, I take the time to just listen when they need it, I try to help them with resources, I treat them like they are valuable to me… that way I know that I made a positive difference in their life. It makes me feel better to know that even though they may have passed, I maybe made their last days just a little bit better. I have been a nurse for 10 years now, there are still patients that I took care of at the beginning of my career that I remember very well. It does seem that deaths come in cycles. It may be months without a death at the practice I work for now and then 3 or 4 patients will die within a matter of weeks. Allow yourself to grieve. Talk about the patient with your co-workers… it’s ok to cry we are human and sometimes a good cry helps