Cancer Discussions - September 5th, 2009 - 18 Comments
What do you say to a friend just diagnosed with cancer?
A good friend of mine was just diagnosed with Stage 2 Hodgkins Lymphoma. She’s only 20. I feel like "I’m sorry" just isn’t enough. What can I do, or say?
and what is this type of cancer? I’ve been looking into it, but it can be kind of confusing to understand.
This is my one year Fourth month of fighting multiple Yulma ,a blood and bone cancer, When I was first diagnosed with it my wife sent e-mails to many of my friends. The out pouring of support, fund raisers, and just general support was unbelievable. I had a sever chemical imbalance that left me pretty much out of my mind. We fought through two blood pressure collapses, and a few other scary moments. but that was then ,after correcting the chemical imbalance I was trans fered to a hospital where I received a stem cell trans plant and today was the last of my radiation treatments. I’m just telling you this to know what to expect. Get a hold of any type of support groups that you might find on the web ,many offer rebates for gas, parking, and some for meds gather all her friends and have fund raisers, bake sales, bar-b-Q’s , dance party’s . let her know she is not in this by her self also contact fire stations local police stations , go to the Harley dealership and tell them the situation, they are well known for helping the ill. Most of all show a positive attitude . Give her my best and let her know that this is not the end ,but a new beginning of her life .god bless you,
well you cant really say anything just comfort her as much as possible and take her out for a nice meal or something try take her mind off it and if it terminal make her last days as merable as possible
Don’t feel sorry for her or tell her that you are sorry.Encourage her.Just because she has been diagnosed with that doesn’t mean she is going to die right here and now.The odds may be against you but that’s ok.Go on as if nothing happened.Don’t let that change or make your friendship awkward.Enjoy the time that you do have with her….Good luck!=)
You have to put yourself in your friend’s shoes. Just think if you were the one that was diagnosed with cancer what would you want someone to say to you?
How would you feel if someone just said
"I’m sorry".
It wouldn’t really help would it?
There really isn’t anything you would know what to say unless you’ve been there and done that.
That’s why imagining yourself in her shoes would better help you out in this situation.
Cancer aint fun. You got to make sure you say positive things to her at all times, even if you’re in a bad mood. If sh’es going to die, make sure you make her last days on Earth good ones.
Good Luck!
Hodgkin’s lymphoma most commonly is found in younger people, although not always true. With treatment, the person who is diagnosed with Hodgkin’s can usually remain in remission for the rest of their life.
"I’m sorry" is good for starters. I’m sure your friend would love you to be there for support. Go see her/him in the hospital while she/he is getting treatment. Take small gifts now and then.. even a McDonald’s milkshake, or a small ceramic angel to "decorate" the IV pole…something to protect her/him while in the hospital. You’d be surprised what you can think up to cheer your friend. Take care, and I wish your friend lots of luck.
You might want to check here, it may be of some help to you!
http://www.sheep2lion.com
Instead of, "I’m sorry" try "This must be such a difficult time for you- I’ll try to be here for you in any way you want". You can offer to listen, be there to hold her hand (during treatments, if she wants) and can help to keep her life as "normal" as possible during this time. Take her to the movies. If she’s not up for going to a movie, bring her a movie to watch along with some of her favorite take out.
You can also try calling the National Cancer Institute’s Cancer Information Service (1800-4-CANCER)- they can send you information specific to the type of cancer your friend has and resources for you and your friend.
Best of luck, to both of you.
What she needs now is someone who she can talk to and do things she likes together. Never say sorry. Its nothing to be sorry about. Its happened and she got to accept the fact and undergo treatments. Just keep her spirits high. Live positively.
One of the sweetest things a friend told me when I told him I had terminal cancer was
"What can I do to help" very plain, direct and simple to say but meant so much to me. He said it and he meant it.. and has been there for me thru my journey. So you see, it doesn’t really matter what you say, or don’t say… just mean it and your friend will know and find comfort thru your sincerity.
Let her know that you are going to be there…no matter what.
How about "I’m here for you".
I struggle with that question too. If it were my best friend, I would ask how she was holding up, make sure she has rides and company to appointments, get her whatever food she wants, just make sure she knows you are available to help her in whatever way she would need, be there for her and listen to her fears and concerns. I have a 4 yr old niece with leukemia and here are some things that people did to help my brother and his family out.
1. Clean his house – you have to disinfect because of the high risk of infection. People came and did this for them when they were in the hospital the first week and were getting ready to bring her home after her first round of chemo treatment.
2. Bring meals for the family or gift cards for her favorite restaurant.
3.For my niece, people sent lots of toys because she was in the hospital alot with chemo. Your friend is 20 so if she likes crosswords, books, gossip mags, etc…something like that might be nice to keep her busy if she has hospital stays.
4. A group at church got together and redecorated her room with pink and purple butterflies – she loved it.
5. The sunday school class at church organized a parade for her in front of her house when she could no longer go to church – this made her and her family feel loved and not forgotten.
6. A local christian song writer wrote her a song with details specific to her cancer journey. My sister-in-law absolutely loves the song.
Also, for my mom, when she got breast cancer, my sister and I took her wig shopping before she lost her hair. This meant alot for my mom because of all the emotions she was facing with loosing her hair and she didn’t want to do this on her own.
I was diagnosed with non hodgkins lymphoma, it is a cancer of the blood. She is in early stage, and lymphoma is one of the cancers that responds to chemo and has a very good rate of survival.
She really needs you to be her friend and listen to her. So many of my friends, and they are in their 40s were scared and backed away from me. Please dont do that to her. You can help her get her mind off of the problem, you can visit her and call her alot. You seem like a wonderful person and I wish I had a friend like you going through this. God Bless all of you. <3
I think that in this case, the less said is better. But the most important thing that you can do is be there for them. Your support is vital here. Wheather it be a ride to the Drs office, or a shoulder to cry on. Be there 24/7 for them. I hope things will work out for you and them.
tell them to get their vitamin D levels checked, the data on this is overwhelming. take a look at http://www.vitaminD3world.com for some good summaries of the data
my 30 yr old son has had hodgkins since he was 19. he’s had 2 bone marrow transplants, limited radiation, & lots of chemo. he’s been in 3 trials and is getting ready to go into another one. I say this to say “never give up”. God is in control and you can’t go through this time in your life without him.
I’m so sorry to hear about your friend. Last year one of my best friends was diagnosed with cervical cancer and it was really hard for us all. From that experience, my husband and I created a new website – http://www.humantribeproject.com – to help friends and family unite, raise funds and show support for a loved one during a health-crisis. With my friend, it quickly became clear that helping her raise money was as important as giving her emotional support (she had insurance but there are just so many out of pocket expenses). I hope this is helpful for you. Best of luck.