What NOT to Do When a Friend Has Cancer

It is a difficult time for all concerned. Someone you know or love has been diagnosed with cancer. You want to help but you certainly don’t want to harm. Perhaps you are afraid that you will say or do the wrong thing. That concern is only natural. But there are some things you should definitely try to avoid doing.

Don’t disappear. Some people, when they hear the news about their friend, become embarrassed or afraid. They go out of their way to go out of their way. This is a no-no.  The cancer has been diagnosed and needs to be dealt with. Your friend has a fight on their hands. They may have a disease but they have not changed as a person. If you were their friend, relative, neighbor or colleague then you should continue in that role. Whatever else you do, do not abandon the person with cancer.

Look after number one. This may sound selfish but it is not. You will be affected by the news of your friend’s diagnosis. Some people have a greater reaction than others. But you can be of little help to your sick friend if you become sick yourself. If you worry about the condition of your friend and don’t allow yourself enough sleep and eat badly, you will suffer. Of course your friend is seriously ill but if you become run down and overburdened with stress then you will not be able to do the best you can for your friend.

Don’t be a phony. You may think you have to change when you are with your friend or their family. You may feel you have to suddenly change the way you speak or the things you speak about. This is not true. You must remain as you are and always have been. Your friend who is ill does not want a stranger in their midst, someone who now speaks in a different way, who never laughs or who tippy-toes around certain subjects. What your friend wants is you as you have always been.

Don’t be hard on yourself. There will be times when you can’t think of what to say. There will be times when you’ll probably say the wrong thing. That is natural. You are not an expert in dealing with someone who has cancer. So when you run out of things to say, when you say the wrong thing or when you do something which is upsetting, that’s life. Do not add to the worry by heaping blame upon your own shoulders.

Cancer in many cases is a marathon. Many people fight the disease for an extended period of time and, of course, many people win. There are many positive things you can do to help and a few things, like the ones listed above, which you should avoid if at all possible. We all make mistakes. The key is to keep on keeping on because that way you will be the best friend your friend can have.